First Christmas

I am taking stock of where I am as we quickly approach this holiday season.

For the first time in 26 years, I won’t spend Christmas with Darryl. Our first Christmas was just as eventful as this one. He fell sick Christmas Eve and was unable to walk. He ended up in ICU for 11 days. I was a scared nervous woman, as I am today.

This nervousness is different though. I am considering what my new life will be like. I am booked to stay with my baby girl. That in and of itself will be interesting. When I made the reservations I thought I needed to stay away from home for the entire holiday season. I don't think I do.

I am navigating my way through this new life. I like the direction I am taking. I am happy. I am at peace. I still mourn and remember my losses, but it fuels me to live and create a life worth living. I want to leave my loves ones with warm memories of me. I want them to know how much I love them. I want to them be inspired to be great.

This year was the roughest most grief ridden days I’ve ever experienced, from beginning to end. My circle of family and friends has suffered dozens of losses. Yet we still stand with fond memories and broken hearts. We've all developed coping mechanisms to help us continue on. We’ve all lost a piece of ourselves.

I send a prayer to all of my circle. May we continue to find comfort in knowing our loves ones are in a better place and watching over us. May we make it through this first Christmas filled with hope that we won’t hurt forever. May we take stock in knowing we were loved 💝

May we find glory and peace in this season of hope ✨️