Still adjusting to Life after...

The hardest pill I had to swallow was knowing that Darryl isn't coming back. For weeks I kept everything as it was "because Darryl liked it like that". I washed and hung up clothes that he would never wear again. I organized his nightstand the way he liked it. Even at my own inconvenience. Then I realized or accepted, that he would never be there to use those things.

I made a beautiful space for his pictures, urn, flag, and shell casings. I talk to him there. I pray with him there. I lie my fears and concerns there. I ask God to give me clarity and peace. Then I let his things go.

I spoke to the church and asked if I could bring some of his clothes and shoes. Then I moved some of my things to his closet.

Then I suffered another loss of a loved one...and I realized that truly tomorrow isn't promised.

I decided that I was going to live my life as freely and happily as I could possibly be. I accept that while I always imagined my life being with Darryl, he is no longer here...and I must continue on this voyage without him.

I know that he would want me to be happy.

I try to cry less. I try to concentrate on our good times. I try to honor his legacy. Most of all I try to LIVE each day and not waste an ounce of time. I try to be with the people I love.

Life is short. We must continue on until our time comes. I hope that when my time comes my family is able to smile knowing that I lived my life fully. And knowing that I want nothing but happiness and joy for them.