Reminders

I recently celebrated my birthday. I joined a group of friends and traveled to Jamaica. I filled most of my times with “things” to do so that I wasn’t reminded of the emptiness and sadness that was inside.

The weather was gorgeous, the food was delicious, and I enjoyed being with all of my friends together.

Yet my quiet times were spent worrying about how my husband was doing. Or comparing this trip to trips that he and I had taken together.

The daily crying started back. The tears were a combination of guilt for leaving him and anxiousness about how he was doing back home. If I am truly honest the one thing that I wanted the most was him by my side.

I’ve found that I’ve started to feel empty inside. I am grieving and he is still here.

I’ve racked up a list of hobbies and activities so I don’t have to deal with reality. In reality, everything makes me sad about him being sick. I thought I was doing well dealing with his constant declining health, but I am not. Because everything reminds me that things aren’t the way they used to be…and I feel empty 💔