Ups and Downs

This past month has been mentally draining and difficult to me. I have been fighting sadness and depression like I’ve never experienced before.

In my mind, I thought that I should be past the grief 😔. I am not.

The reality and finality of losing DT has shattered the life I thought I would have.

Recreating a new life and a new me without him is uncomfortable because I never dreamed that I would need to. Not at this age.

I miss him. I try to imagine what he would say to me. He was such a matter-of-fact realist. He would definitely tell me that we are born to die and that I have to move on without him.

I wish he were here to sooth the kids. I miss his strength, laughter, and wisdom.

I am thankful that God loaned him to me for so long. I pray that I make him proud and I have the strength to help my babies and I continue on without him.

Being a widow is suffocating and comes with so many emotional ups and downs..