Transformation

Grief is the ultimate catalyst for transformation. You are not the same person that you were prior to losing your loved one. You go through the pain, anger, uncertainty, depression, and sadness and become a new you, a different you.

Initially, I felt lost and empty. I didn’t know whether to lie down forever and give up or to scrap everything and run away. I didn’t spend too much time thinking or feeling. I just kept moving, kept forcing myself to move around, to eat, to work, and to go on. Sometimes I look back and wonder how I got through any of it. I have periods that I can’t remember what happened or how it happened. I was on autopilot.

I am learning to slow down and remember. I am learning to stop and appreciate the moments. It seems that the memories and the moments have become more important to me than ever before.

Gratitude and Grace fill my heart. I am grateful for the ones who help me to keep going. I give others grace because I don’t know what type of pain they are experiencing. I am ever so grateful for the life I had. I have amazing memories that bring joyful tears and smiles to my face. I am excited about the memories that I am continuing to make. I am intentional with my love and words. I want to be an encourager to others. I want people to find peace in my presence.

I found connection through spirituality. DT sends me dimes to comfort me. Baby Boo sends me numbers, he knew I was a nerd. My cousin talks to me through the moon and we have had some of the most beautiful moons that I’ve ever witnessed. I feel like they all have my back. I mediate and talk to them about my fears and worries. I pray and ask God for guidance and direction. I hold on to my connections to my lost loves. The memories of them bring me peace and motivate me to keep going. We will all meet again.

My transformation surprises me. I really am a softer version of myself. I can’t wait to see who I become…