Chaos

Everyday I wake up and I feel like I have to fight to harness my emotions.

I try my hardest and pray everyday that I show up as grateful and happy. I am grateful for the life that I lived. I am thankful that I was blessed with so many years of happy times with my hubby.

But my overall feeling is that life has been unfair to me, from childhood to motherhood.

I have to try to comfort my children while still trying to comfort myself. I fail at comforting them because I feel my pain from a different point of view. I lost my life partner. They lost their father. I don’t even know what it is to have a father. I definitely can’t comprehend the magnitude of losing such a great father.

He was the emotional support of this family. This was definitely HIS family. He lead, we followed. He supported all of us. Emotionally he was the rock. Now I am trying to pick up that part…and I don’t know how. I can’t even get myself together.

Everyday, I am in Emotional chaos. Praying for guidance 🙏🏾