Reintegration

The weirdest and hardest thing I have ever had to do is reintegrating myself back into “normal” life…after my husband has died.

It is the scariest, loneliest, weirdest place that I’ve ever found myself.

I have been filling my days up with activities and things to do because I am still getting used to being in the house alone. It’s a different house. A very empty house.

Anywho, one of the five activities I had scheduled for myself on Saturday was a comedy show. It was the first time I hung with a few of my friends in a while. The event was nice. However, one of the comics talked about his dad needing a kidney and being on dialysis…I made it through the entire set, but I left shortly after.

I cried all the way home. It was a good skit and it was funny. However, I wasn’t ready to laugh at the thing that JUST helped kill my husband. As the whole room laughed and applauded I was fighting back tears.

That’s the thing with grief. It has no time limit. While you are grieving the world moves on. As it should, but you are still stuck in that place, that moment, the circumstances, that took your loved one away. You never know what will trigger the tears, hurt, or the pain. All while the rest of the world just keeps going…you learn to smile through the process