Therapy and such

For the first time in a long time I am without a therapist or a coach. It was a conscious choice for me because I am at a cross roads. I am afraid ro heal? I think. It feels like betrayal to my husband.

I am letting that fact sink in. I feel like me being okay and him not being okay is somehow unfair and betraying him.

My therapy sessions used to be me encouraging and supporting my therapist with their respective issues. I would downplay my feelings and fears. Someone told me that I overpower and control the sessions as a defense mechanism…and I do.

My coaching sessions were about my business. It was all positivity and direction on getting that part of my life together. My business is a distraction from my reality. My business being successful makes me feel a level of guilt. How can I be growing a business while my husband isn't?

My husband is sick and not getting better.

I don't know how to deal with it. It breaks my heart. It makes me angry at the world. I feel helpless. I just want mercy. I don’t want to feel like I am grieving when he is still here, but that’s what I find myself doing. Grieving. Especially on extremely bad health days.

This is the worst…

Blogging is my therapy though…

Continued prayers are appreciated 🙏🏾💜