Tears

I cry every day. I literally cry every day. EVERY. DAY.

I am literally holding my breath until I can exhale. My husband’s health has gotten worse over time and just when I think I’ve turned a corner on one thing, another thing pops up. He is fighting. I can see the pain and exhaustion in his eyes. It tears me up inside. To see such a strong, virial man become a shell of himself. He hates it. He doesn’t want people around to see him like this.

But every day he gets up and fights. So I fight right alongside him. Then I cry.

I cherish the time he is here with me. I try to focus on the time we have here together now. I take lots of pictures for the memories.

I pretend to be okay. I hold it all together, but I know when he is no longer here with me in the physical realm, I won’t be okay. And no amount of tears will bring him back.