Midlife Crisis?

Just to let you guys know, I am dealing with a lot of stuff. I am on an emotional rollercoaster most days. I have a coach and a therapist. They are pretty damn sick of my hard headed tail ~ LOL. They give me great coping skills. However, in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep and I don’t want to turn the lights on to write down my thoughts, I shop. Like a maniac!

Typically, I despise shopping. Malls give me anxiety. All that energy from all those people. But the world wide web has provided an out. Usually I shop for household things. Like recently I bought a bartesian cocktail maker…but that purchase also feeds into my other poor coping mechanism, drinking (another sigh from my coach) LOL!

Then I started at the gym. I told my coach that I feel angry at the world because it seems so unfair that my husband is sick. He told me that I need to unleash this anger in a way that yoga doesn’t fulfill. He told me I need to hit something (He also noted: SOMETHING not SOMEONE). So I signed up to workout and train with a team whose name is Madness…and baby I tell you. YIKES. Every time I workout I thank God that I didn’t die. I’ve never sweated so much in my life. My aunt told me girls don’t sweat. If she saw me in my Madness Training, she would be ashamed. I am totally enthralled when I train. I don’t feel anything but fight or flight. I just try to survive.

Well…the training center was closed for a week. And I stumbled upon a purchase that I want to make so bad. When online shopping I am known to “add to the cart” quick as heck. I have hovered over this purchase everyday for a week. I called my mom, I told my aunt, I told the hubby, and the kid…I solicited Facebook for funding…baby I really want this thing. I don’t need it, it makes no sense, I think I might be going through a midlife crisis. I feel like one of those old people you see, buying up crazy stuff trying to stay young, having a hard time coping with getting older.

So if you see me in a BMW Roadster, know that I tried every coping mechanism I had available AND I am not living in my purpose but I am living in my emotion :) and shoot me a few dollars to my CashApp to help me pay for it!