Yesterday I performed my last home hemodialysis treatment with DT. It has been almost exactly 18 months since we embarked on this journey.

I've learned alot educationally, technically, and emotionally. I pushed my body and myself to the brink trying to do a good job and help my husband. I am a fighter and a perfectionist. I like to win. I feel like this is one of my greatest achievements and my biggest failure. 💜 I was not able to juggle home, work, and dialysis. As much as I tried, I would burn out midway through the week. There were many many nights I had to set a timer every 28 minutes so I woke up to do vitals. Sleep was foreign to me. And we never got the benefit of “freedom” they professed when convincing us to take on home dialysis.

This machine sent to save my husband's life felt like it would be the death of me. I am thankful we both survived and also that we didn’t kill each other.

The last treatment was just as eventful as the first. With machine problems and cannulating problems. I had to poke him 4 times because the venous access wouldn't draw blood. I was determined to get it. He looked me dead in the eye and told me I had one more try and then we were done. I looked back at him…challenge accepted. Fumbling around for minutes (which felt like eternity) I flipped that butterfly needle 💉 until I got 🩸 thumping! 😮‍💨

He hates going to the treatment center. I understand. He also hates doing treatments 5 days a week. This is the lesser of two evils. I hope he still has faith in me. I also hope he realizes I am just a woman…not superwoman🦸🏾‍♀️

Like I said, this is bittersweet. I wish that I could have won this challenge, but I am throwing in the towel 💔