Gut punches

I really thought I was strong enough to go about the day on DT's birthday without being emotional.

WRONG

The tears just started flowing down my face. I was at work 😩 I tried to pull myself together but I could not.

My daughters were in the group chat just as emotionally distraught as I was. He was our rock and lead. Where he went, we followed. We are all kind of lost in this world, moving on autopilot like life isn’t all brand new for us.

Collectively, there is pain and anger. Why him? Why my husband? Why their daddy? We know dozens of others who we think wouldn’t be missed as much as he is. I have a less worthy father…I would have definitely traded him for DT…honestly…and I’m not ashamed to say it.

Our conversation did allow us to share some funny memories though. He treated the girls like they were his sons. He made them learn how to change brakes, windshield wipers, tires…all that. All while I don’t know how to do any of that stuff 😂 I'd always tell them "I don’t need to learn that, I have a husband” 😂

He was such a BIG part of our lives. Being left here without him seems unfair. As much as I move around and continue living without him, some days, some moments, life gives me a big gut punch that reminds me that I still have that emptiness in my heart.

I don’t think I'll ever not have these moments. It just takes all my super powers to keep going when these moments happen.