Man, there is a lot I can say about Triggers. I have allowed them to disrupt and upend my life. My responses to my triggers have been from a place of hurt and payback.

BUT - I am a recovering “trigger-holic” I no longer let things that are outside my control dictate my emotions and actions. I used to think that people were testing me. I used to feel the need to prove people wrong about me.

I no longer care about how people feel about me or what I do. I no longer give them the power to change my mood, my attitude, my energy, or my reactions.

I know my triggers. I acknowledge that I have them. I recognize that there are people that automatically push my buttons. I remove myself from those people and environments or I choose to ignore them.

I am in control of my emotions. I avoid, block, prevent, ward off, or restrain from allowing anyone to “trigger” me from being anything but the best version of Tameka.

Mastering this skill is a lifetime’s work of art. I am still studying the craft. I am proud of myself for recognizing my triggers. I pray for the strength to continue to work my way around and through my triggers.

Today, I received a called from the cardiologist assistant. She left a message because DTs heart loop monitor hadn’t sent a record in three months 💔

It triggered me, but I called her back and patiently spoke to her and let her know that DT passed away three months ago. I could hear her choke up.

I finished my work day without tears. I canceled my evenings plans and decided to allow myself to cry. I am still allowing myself to grieve. I miss him, but I will not use my grief as a trigger point to get out of character.

It’s okay for me to be not okay, but still be able to properly care for myself and control my emotions. Today is a test of my growth. I am still a work in progress 💔❤️‍🩹