I feel like I have taken more losses than the average person. It is overwhelming at times to think back on everything that I have been through. Not only was this last year difficult, but it also feels like the last ten to fifteen years have been a series of loss after loss.

I really have talks with God to try to keep myself from feeling depressed and sad. I really fight every day to keep my spirits up. I strive to remind myself not to question God and to stay Faithful. However, some days it’s a challenge.

Everyone says that I have blessings coming. And I do and I receive many unexpected blessings. It still doesn’t stop the hurt, loneliness, sadness, and void I have in my heart. I saw too much suffering. I did a lot of suffering on my own.

I have a constant aching in my heart and soul. It feels like it will never go away. Even during my happy times, a song, a sound, a smell, a saying will bring back all the pain. Something always reminds me of my permanent losses.

Grief is weird. It feels everlasting and neverending 🥺