My anxiety about July 20th is always with me. The one year mark. The day I lost my best friend and partner. The day reality set in.

The day he passed away I knew I would never be the same. I often send thank yous to him through prayers. He talked to me about death and how to move around once he leaves. I just never thought it would happen so soon.

I have changed so much. I am healing. Not just from his death but from all my trauma and pain. I am intentional about my happiness, my health, my life. I am pursuing all the things I have an inkling of curiosity for. I have grown up. Sadly, I didn’t realize that I needed to.

This journey has been enlightening. I realized that my husband held my hand through everything for more than half my life. I realized that he was my strength. Imagine being 50 and having to grow up 🤨

I still smile when I think of him. He definitely was a character. I pray that I can concentrate on the good times on July 20th. I pray that I laugh, dance, and have a good day. He hated crying. I am moving on with life without him but still moving in his honor, hoping that I make him proud.

This has been the weirdest year of my life. I have become a whole new person. One who lives with a void in my heart, but also one who lives in love with life. 💖

This year has taught me to literally live and love like this may be my last day on earth. July 20th changed me in a way that I could never imagine.