Today out of the blue I had an anxiety and panic attack.

I had to calm myself down and talk myself through this attack. I was at work and a feeling of dread and panic came over me, after thinking and talking about Halloween.

It’s the silliest thing, now that I've calmed down, but it almost had me in tears and vomiting.

I was sad and regretful because DT and I never dressed up for Halloween together. The craziest part is he didn’t WANT to dress up, but today on the second Halloween I've spent without him, it sent me into a hysterical fit.

My mind told me that this is something we didn’t do together and my emotions went haywire because I don’t wanna have a list of things we didn’t do together. I don’t wanna forget any of the good times we had. I don’t wanna remember how sick he became and how hard he fought to stay around for us. I don’t wanna deal with the reality that my husband is gone.

I have calmed down a little after a good cry and some breathing techniques. Just know, though, that I fight hard to be sane…everyday